Sunday, March 23, 2003

This recent war thing deserves to be commented on, I suppose.

You know what the part of it that affects me the most is ? All those people with their 'Stop the War' banners !!! They apparently don't realize that after the onset of a conflict, you can't just make it go away by wanting to. If we were to pull out of Iraq today, it would only be a matter of time before they came back to attack US. Which is something I'm sure that almost half of those people are not looking forward to. You want to know the really, really, really ironic thing about it ? I've almost been in fistfights with peace activists on four seperate occasions - And every time I was the one trying to stop the violence. Most of these people don't have the slightest clue what they're doing.....which truthfully isn't much besides annoying passersby.

As for the people who are cheering for War, let's not kid ourselves : War sucks - It's one of the principal horrors that humanity visits on itself. Many people die, many people wish they were dead, and even more people are going to face the death of their loved ones. Taking a life is never something to be proud of, or something to be done at leisure. Whatever the reason, the commanders should have to stare into the faces of all the dead, suffering, grieving hordes that they're going to create - and tell THEM the battle is worth it. Sometimes, it is.

Is this one of those times ?

May God have mercy on those who decide that.

Tuesday, December 03, 2002

Geez..........Am I ever in deep one today. I've been dwelling, never a good thing to do.

Once upon a time, there was a guy. Just imagine the embodiement of negative energy. Cynicism, hatred, cruelty, etc, etc, he realizes that even if they don't know it yet, every smiling face holds a knife behind their back. Then one day, this guy met a girl. Uncharacteristically, he fell completely in love with her at first sight. And as these tales always go, the girl is a near-antithesis of the guy - lacking in the traits you can only earn through long hardship, but still in love with life in a way that he hadn't been since before he could remember. She is naive to a fault, understanding of the emotions of others, and knows her own mind. But there was something there......the beginnings of an understanding of human nature that he (in himself) credited for his condition. Over subsequent years, he watches that understanding blossom black knowledge through their association. One day, he looks at her and realizes that quality he so prized in her is completely gone, and the girl is as he is. Disgusted with her and himself, guy casts girl away. For years, he can't purge the memory from his much the manner that of a door that could not be closed, the interaction had opened a need in him, that he can find no way to fill. Guy uses dictionary to look up a new word : 'loneliness'.

What do you think ? It's a work in progress. But I think, maybe, it's nearly finished.

Sunday, November 24, 2002

Just took the Kiersey Personality Sorter..( in case you're wondering), and got my results, even paid to get the full definition. I know, I know, I've said for years that I wouldn't pay for ANYTHING over the web, ever. But I did. So shut up. Anyway, what I was trying to say before you so *rudely* interrupted me - according to the sorter my class is a 'Rational', and my subclass is 'Mastermind'. Here's the definition of what a Mastermind is supposed to be :

All Rationals are good at planning operations, but Masterminds are head and shoulders above all the rest in contingency planning. Complex operations involve many steps or stages, one following another in a necessary progression, and Masterminds are naturally able to grasp how each one leads to the next, and to prepare alternatives for difficulties that are likely to arise any step of the way. Trying to anticipate every contingency, Masterminds never set off on their current project without a Plan A firmly in mind, but they are always prepared to switch to Plan B or C or D if need be.
Masterminds are rare, comprising no more than, say, one percent of the population, and they are rarely encountered outside their office, factory, school, or laboratory. Although they are highly capable leaders, Masterminds are not at all eager to take command, preferring to stay in the background until others demonstrate their inability to lead. Once they take charge, however, they are thoroughgoing pragmatists. Masterminds are certain that efficiency is indispensable in a well-run organization, and if they encounter inefficiency-any waste of human and material resources-they are quick to realign operations and reassign personnel. Masterminds do not feel bound by established rules and procedures, and traditional authority does not impress them, nor do slogans or catchwords. Only ideas that make sense to them are adopted; those that don't, aren't, no matter who thought of them. Remember, their aim is always maximum efficiency.
In their careers, Masterminds usually rise to positions of responsibility, for they work long and hard and are dedicated in their pursuit of goals, sparing neither their own time and effort nor that of their colleagues and employees. Problem-solving is highly stimulating to Masterminds, who love responding to tangled systems that require careful sorting out. Ordinarily, they verbalize the positive and avoid comments of a negative nature; they are more interested in moving an organization forward than dwelling on mistakes of the past.
Masterminds tend to be much more definite and self-confident than other Rationals, having usually developed a very strong will. Decisions come easily to them; in fact, they can hardly rest until they have things settled and decided. But before they decide anything, they must do the research. Masterminds are highly theoretical, but they insist on looking at all available data before they embrace an idea, and they are suspicious of any statement that is based on shoddy research, or that is not checked against reality.

What do you think ? Some of the stuff in here I can see describes me, and I ran it by a couple friends who said that it describes me perfectly....although the one girl I ran it by said that I am nothing like that. Maybe I just act different around her - scratch that, probably I act different around her. What really gets to me is the part about being less than one percent of the population - that's exactly what my OTHER tests said, too. And while I did get a passing feeling of specialness (check, real word?), it was soon overwhelmed by a sense of despair at my chances for finding someone I can relate to. For those of you who are lucky enough to not have my problem, think about if you tried to explain something (say, football) to a New Guinea tribes-guy. You see that blank expression on his face there ? That's more or less how people have looked at me for my entire life. And the worst part is I can't blame them, since I appear to be the exception to the rule of humanity - not the other way around. I'm too intelligent for the party crowd (yes I know how rejected-losery that sounds, but it's true), too sensible for the substance-abuse crowd, and I've been told by members of the nerdy/driven-to-succeed groups that I frighten them. Well, there are other reasons I don't fit into any particular group, but they make me sound bad and since this is my forum, I'm not going to say them :-P So there. When they make a social grouping that fits me, my high-Iq-complete-lack-of-interest-in-human-affairs self, let me know, would you ?

Yes, I realize that I sound really whiny here, but that's how I feel today, so suffer.

Friday, November 15, 2002

Well people, this is the initial bit of myself that I am dropping out over the internet. I'm certain that you have all already developed a strong, long-lasting affection for me, and will continue to come here to read for many years. Or more likely, you accidentally clicked a different page listing than the one you intended. Well, let's do what the expected thing is here on blog, and start typing about my life and the trivial concerns that comprise it.

I've got a shift at work today - retail sales if you were wondering - from seven at night to eleven. Four hours in the middle of the night, on a friday night. After many questions to the people who manage my lovely little workplace, I found out that the corporation actually does these things on purpose to discourage it's employees from having a social life outside of work. Apparently, if you only socialize at work, you're more productive. Remember when productivity was secondary to being a decent human being ? Yeah, me neither.

Went to class yesterday (a rarity), and it was actually interesting - we saw a movie called "Green Dragon", (real movie, $2mill budget) and the teacher was actually able to get the director to come to the class and answer questions. There were only three real questions in the room, and the rest had to be thought up slowly. We even saw the same questions get asked repeatedly, just to fill time. A room full of people, all of whom have taken an entire college-level course about what he does, and there are no real questions. Just sad. I suppose that's enough for today.....but if you're wondering about the title :

Neutiquam Erro, or in English : I am not lost.